Michael-Bay Movie Reviews

You would think that any Ilsa flick would have sexy sleaze potential, but there aren't really any keeper scenes here. It sounds good on paper, a bomb stuffed up a girl, but nothing really gets shown except fake blood spattering around. There's a chatisty belt scene that maybe rates a partial star (but is demoted due to excess hirsuteness), but that's about it. There's not even that much here for gore fans. Zero stars.

Once again Dyanne Thorne, the busty "She Wolf of the SS" is up to her old tricks (torture, S&M sex, bad acting). This time she's the harem keeper for a psycho oil sheik in some unkown Arab country. Let's get real, the "Ilsa" series main attraction is for Ms. Thorne to display her amazing body in tight fitting outfits and/or totally nude (although she is upstaged in that department by two athletic body guards who wrestle naked). On the plus side (if you're a guy), you get to feast your eyes on numerous naked women with truly standout figures. On the negative side, most of them get tortured in some idiotic plot involving spys, oil rights and a missing heir. The torture scenes were (I guess) an attempt at kink, but come off as just sick. The acting goes from campy to wooden, and the sex scenes (which must have been hot stuff back in the early 70's)are lame. All in all, be ready to use the 'fast forward' button.

Dyanne Thorn returns in the storming sequel to "She Wolf", and it seems to have been given a budget boost, as the setting moves to an Arabian oils sheik's kingdom in the middle of the desert, where Ilsa presides over his palace as right hand security guard and keeper of his harem of kidnapped beauties. The film doen't quite match the excesses of the first film in bad taste, and the camp comedy elements have all been increased, but there are still many gruesome scenes as the harem women are abused and tortured for various reasons, including a pretty revolting sub-plot to assasinate the sheik by deploying a bomb placed inside a womans body that will detonate during sex! Uniform fans will be pleased to see Ilsa replendent in her khaki shorts and boots, but she does not have the same prescence as in the previous film because she is herself punished at one point by despotic sheik, and its a shame to see that the film recycles her weakness of falling in love with a hunky American, which once again leads to her downfall. However, this film is still pretty extreme, but with a slant more towards sexual perversions than violence, and without the Nazi theme of it's predecessor its a lot less sleazy and offensive. Still way outside of the mainstream, though (and a hell of a lot better than the third film "Ilsa Tigress of Siberia", which has a cracking first 30 minutes, but disappoints immediately afterwards). A recommended buy for fans of the first movie, as well as one for any cult enthusiast.

This was a movie i picked up in the video store and, i'm ashamed to say, I judged it by its cover. Bad move. It was in the Horror section and the front cover showed a rather menacing monkey, so i thought i'd be in for a scary little treat. however, half an hour into the film I realised i was watching a bizarre film about a woman with a pet monkey, who lived with her wheelchair-bound father who she didnt like too much. On the upside, there were a few interesting scenes where the woman imagined retaliating against her father, but thats about it really. the monkey didnt really do anything fantastic either. bizarre film.

"Catch the heat" is a b-movie and I wonder why Rod Steiger accepted to act in this movie.Its main positive aspect lies in miss Tiana Alexandra's kicks.She's an Oriental catwoman.That's all

All he wanted was a wife. One that would love, honor, and care for him. He kept getting women that used him for his money, so he locked them in the basement. He has dreams and wakes up to find himself turning into a monster. He has to beg his lord to make him young again. In his Vineyard there are bodies of the dead which return to life night after night. When a group of would be actors and actresses visit the island to be in one of his movies, will they figure out his darkest secrets?

All he wanted was a wife. One that would love, honor, and care for him. He kept getting women that used him for his money, so he locked them in the basement. He has dreams and wakes up to find himself turning into a monster. He has to beg his lord to make him young again. In his Vineyard there are bodies of the dead which return to life night after night. When a group of would be actors and actresses visit the island to be in one of his movies, will they figure out his darkest secrets?

This movie is very slow and boring! John Lithgow's character is so unappealing and frankly doesn't even make any sense. Jodie Foster is "dead", and the plot is so uneffective. Some things are never explained, such as why those two got married in the first place....but it's not like you'll care.

The premise for the film is intriguing. It is based upon the Victoria Thompson murder trial that took place in New Zealand during the late nineteenth century. Victoria is raised is some sort of orphanage from birth. At the age of seventeen, it is arranged for her to marry Mr. Thompson, a weird, older man whom she has never before met. She dutifully marries him, and when she comes of age goes to live with him in his home, which is run by his two creepy servants. Victoria soon discovers just how weird her husband really is. She ultimately takes the bull by the horns and finds herself standing trial for his murder by the time she is nineteen years old.

Jodie Foster places the role of Victoria Thompson, as if she were doing so under duress. She takes a character that is potentially sympathetic and makes her merely pathetic, leaving the viewer cold. John Lithgow fares somewhat better, as he does a credible job playing the weird Mr. Thompson, doing the best he can with the material with which he has to work. The film, unfortunately, is choppy and poorly edited, the story so muddled as to be nearly incomprehensible. The direction seems to be almost nonexistant, as it looks like it is every man for himself.

This film was originally released under the title, "Mesmerized". Word about the film must have traveled fast, as bad news so often does. When the DVD was released, it was retitled as "Shocked". The only thing shocking about this film is that it was ever released in the first place. It is a complete travesty.

The DVD itself has no meaningful special features of which to speak. The quality of the film is very poor, grainy and fuzzy. Even the cover art of the DVD has nothing to do with the film. It is simply a photograph of a contemporary Jodie Foster. All in all, this DVD is not worth buying. The only reason this film was not rated one star was due to John Lithgow's performance. If you are not a John Lithgow fan, deduct one star.

This movie was orginally titled Mesmerized and was a 1984 movie. While I don't recall it being released in theatres, it is out on video and now DVD under the name Shocked. It is a strange twisting plot, but the acting of Foster and Lithgow is, as usually, very good.

All in all, though, I'd have to say it is not one of their best works, but if you are a fan of either, it is worth viewing.

Elvis Presely enjoyed one of the most remarkable careers in show business history, due in part to brillant marketing and promotion. It would seem that a movie focusing on the legendary Elivs PR front man 'colonel' Tom Parker would be of great interest. Brother, it ain't. The usually reliable Beau Bridges simply phones in his role as the Colonel, Rob Youngblood thinks a haircut passes for playing Elvis. The only bright spot is Scott Wilson as the King's father, Vernon. We pick up a few tidbits here and there, like the Colonel was in fact not a US citizen and therefore kept Elvis locked into Las Vegas and skipped European tours afraid he would meet up with immigration problems. However the tiny bit we find out could easily be learned in the first few minutes of even a moderately competent 'True Hollywood Story' documentary. This film is simply devoid of entertainment. Totally forgettable and an absolute waste of time. Don't bother.

I haven't seen Girls on the Road, so I will restrict my comments to Werewolves on Wheels.

Made on an entirely inadequate budget, a bunch of bikers stumble around and cuss on film, antagonize a group of devil worshippers and then are turned into werewolves at the end.

Keep in mind you don't get to see the werewolves until the last few minutes of this picture and that scene is at night so the scene is too dark to understand that the bikers have been turned into werewolves were it not for the title.

I assume most people would rent this hoping to see werewolves ride around on motorcycles for most of the movie and the filmmakers don't deliver the groceries.

The bulk of the movie is nearly plotless and the actors don't seem to have scripted dialogue. Given the cost of 16mm film, I am at a loss to explain why a producer would allow the director, cast and crew to put so little effort into this project and although I admit they were savvy enough to put a little violence and a little bare breast in the movie, it doesn't really compensate for the other 89 minutes of boredom.

Looking at the reviews of other z-grade movies, I can see that some people are interested in movies that are inexcusably bad, and I must admit, that having been made in the 1970's, Werewolves on Wheels has a certain appeal to it that the filmmakers didn't consciously make an exploitation movie like we saw in the 1980's with movies such as Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, where films were made that seemed to be aiming for cult status.

So in short, if you like bad movies, go ahead and give this one a shot, but I, for one, was not entertained.

When i baught this film and saw the low class of the company advetising their company through out the film,I thaught I was watchig a cheap USA or TNT film.When you buy a dvd there should be no advertising of your company on the bottom of the film.TASTLESS!!!!!By the way the movie itself is just ok the action sequences low budget and the acting barely ok.